The Key to Long-Lasting Relationships

Many people are curious about what makes a relationship tick. Is love enough? Is it about commitment, trust, or passion? Or is it about that unmeasurable yet compelling mix that equals ‘compatibility’? There are a lot of articles on the internet about how to cultivate healthy relationships, and even though it may seem exciting to have one shining answer to the perfect relationship, the truth is that there isn’t one. It is a bit like asking for a one-ingredient recipe that is both intricate and delicious. Relationships, like any well-rounded dish, have a combination of ingredients with different specifications, and each individual has their own preference.

The spread of Covid-19 across the world has had some interesting repercussions on romantic relationships. It has necessitated either staying at home together or falling into being a relationship of a more long-distance nature. Single people looking to mingle are forced to find different ways to seek out partners or go on dates. In any case, the normal rhythm of relationships has been disrupted and compelled us to look for new ways to adapt to the changing climate.

On the surface, many things seem to have changed as couples are posed with new challenges. However, what actually constitutes a healthy relationship seems to have remained the same. Here a few common characteristics of strong and healthy relationships:

Connection: This is one of the most fundamental aspects of any good relationship. This connection could also be labelled a mutual attraction towards each other (whether physically, intellectually or emotionally and preferably all three) and a genuine interest in spending time with one another and actually being together in the long-term.

Similarity: The phrase that opposites attract is a commonly held conception when it comes to interpersonal attraction. However, research in fact shows that one of the primary principles at play in good relationships is actually “Like attracts like”. Great couples tend to have a great deal in common including their ways of thinking and values or ideals.

Sharing: Individuals in healthy relationships share many things: they invest time into their relationship, seek out activities to enjoy together and exchange stories about their past experiences as well as their dreams for the future. Partners in healthy relationships do not play hard-to-get with each other’s emotions but instead share love freely.

Support: In healthy relationships, partners respect, trust and support each other whole-heartedly. They find in their relationship a safe space to share their hopes and fears. A truly secure partner would encourage their beloved to reach new heights and provide unconditional support during challenging times.

Space: Every good relationship has space to breathe and thrive as individuals while also being part of a “we” and “us”. Partners respect each other’s privacy and personal space. Knowing what the boundaries are and maintaining them are a good way to prevent co-dependency and fosters independence among couples.

Acceptance: No good relationship thrives well on criticism and degrading behaviour. Rather, partners in healthy relationships accept each other without trying to change, mould or manipulate them into being different people. There is whole-hearted acceptance and affection, not conditional on meeting unrealistic standards.

Good relationships can have multiple variations with some couples like more adventure while others prefer a comfortable pattern. Some tend to be more passionate, while others may be of a calmer nature. But this much is clear: every relationship needs a conducive environment to thrive in, a heart filled with love and a safe space in one’s partner to come home to.

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Author: Debanjali Saha

Debanjali Saha is a counselling psychologist who works primarily with young adults using a compassion-focused approach in therapy. She is very passionate about Self-Compassion, a topic she has been researching since 2014. She has started a wellness community called Couch of Compassion, where she tries to help people relate to themselves with kindness through her writing and workshops.